Our Open Marriage: How It Began and Why We Have No Rules

Shelbee On The Edge
8 min readSep 9, 2019

By Michelle Montoro

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Two and a half years ago, my husband and I started dating other people.

Actually, it was just me. I started dating other people.

It sort of happened accidentally at first. I was the one who dipped my toes in that water. And I liked the way it felt. It sent a shiver up my spine and made me a little weak in the knees. Like a teenager whose crush asks her on a date. Everything in your body goes all tingling, your heart beats a little faster, your head gets that woozy feeling that comes from the electricity between two people immensely attracted to one another.

I really liked the feeling. A lot. It made me high and I quickly became addicted to that sensation and I wanted more. But I didn’t want to be a cheater.

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So right before I was about to take my dipping toe to a full blown plunge into the icy cool waters of adultery, I went home and approached my husband in probably the most awkward way possible.

Not knowing the correct protocol for telling one’s husband that you are incredibly attracted to another man, a man whom he doesn’t know, a man who isn’t him, I started vaguely hinting about the concept of open marriage.

I was vague because I really had no idea how these things worked. And I also really had no idea how my husband would react.

What I did know was that I was very happy in my marriage. We never fought. We made each other laugh daily. We were raising our children in a very harmonious and agreeable partnership. We still found one another attractive. We were (and still are), quite literally, the couple that other couples strive to be.

So why in the world was I feeling compelled to cheat?

It was in this moment that the reality occurred to me that humans, at least this human, was not meant to be monogamous for life. Heck, I wasn’t even meant to be monogamous in marriage, it seems.

Although I was very satisfied and happy with my life as it was, I was bored out of my mind with the lack of…

Shelbee On The Edge

Michelle is a passionate scholar and a lover of words with a driving desire to help others in the pursuit of becoming the best possible versions of themselves.