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Relationship Does Not Mean Ownership
by Michelle Montoro
My husband and I are a polyamorous type of couple, so I realize that we fall way outside the box of what most of society considers a “normal” relationship. However, the first 7 years of our marriage were completely monogamous so I do understand the dynamics that exist in a traditional one man-one woman union.
What I am having trouble grasping is this overarching idea that once one enters a romantic relationship with another person there is suddenly a sense of ownership that prevails. A loss of individual identity of sorts. An all-encompassing and exclusionary coupling that seemingly forces both parties to eliminate and prohibit any outside friendships with the opposite gender…even friendships that have preceded the romantic relationship.
I see it and hear it all too often. “My boyfriend/girlfriend/fiance/spouse is not okay with my having friends of the opposite sex.” Or even worse, there are couples who are prohibited from having any outside friendships regardless of gender unless the friends are friends of both partners in the couple.
Again, I know that I think differently about things of this sort and I am not at all traditional by any definition of that word. But where in traditional marriage vows or relationship commitments does it say one must lose their entire identity, forgo all…
