Richard, thank you so much for this very insightful comment as well as sharing your experience with me. I am all too familiar with a decreased libido and my marriage suffered from it when my children were younger. I wanted nothing to do with sex and it was then that I realized how very important sex is to some realationships. My husband and I had extensive conversations way back then to figure out a way to satisfy us both. Ultimately, we came to the conclusion that opening our marriage would be the best idea so my husband’s needs were met when I could not meet them…and vice versa. We cannot guarantee that our sexual drive will always line up with that of our partner’s and to me it seems selfish to deny your partner all sexual pleasures just because you are unable or unwilling to fulfill them.

As a women in my middle ages (I am only a few years younger than your wife), I also have to say that menopause and the hormone mess that comes with it can really put a damper on a woman’s sex drive. Being sensitive to that is important as a partner as well as keeping the communication open. I don’t view you as whiny or entitled, just as a man who is needing a resolution to a problem. And it is a problem when sex leaves a relationship if one partner is still wanting sex.

To speak to the ageism part, I honestly pay no mind to all of that. Age is simply a number. Attractiveness, as you know, is completely subjective and is much, much more than physical appearance. And who really knows what draws and attracts us to certain individuals and not to others. It’s all a crap shoot, really!

I do hope you are able to find some sort of solution that is beneficial to you and your spouse. Sending you lots of positive energy!