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The Midlife Sex Conundrum: Surviving a Sexual Drought
by Michelle Montoro
Somewhere on my journey into midlife, I lost my libido. I don’t know where or when or how or why. But one day, it was just gone. I had my children in my late thirties. So perhaps that was part of the reason. I was just plain old tired. Exhausted, in fact. And momming made me feel less sexual and much less desirable. Although my husband never lost his flair for compliments and adoration for me, I just couldn’t seem to see it for myself.
For the first 6 years after having children, my husband heard every possible excuse I could muster to get out of having sex. It was the elephant in the room. All the time. I knew he wanted that intimacy back. And he knew that I didn’t want anything to do with it. Rather than talk about it, we just sort of danced around the issue while the elephant took up more and more space.
While sex was literally the last thing on my mind, it quickly became at the forefront of my mind as I watched my husband become more frustrated at the repeated rejections of his advances. Occasionally, I would realize that it was quite like torture to constantly withhold sex from him. I had no ill intent in this withholding. The idea of sex simply just repelled me. I just didn’t feel sexual. And I wanted nothing to do with it.
