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The Perplexing Rules of Polyamory
by Michelle Montoro
Ever since we began this journey into polyamory, my husband and I have been sort of making up the rules as we go. In fact, after some trial and error, we realized that we both operate much better with no rules at all. But having no rules also requires a tremendous amount of love, respect, and communication in order for chaos not to ensue.
With no guidelines to follow and no community to help us out in the very beginning, we entered into a consensually non-monogamous arrangement in a very natural yet accidental way. While it just sort of evolved this way for us, we have been able to navigate it very successfully without any outside influences.
But through the years, as we began feeling more and more isolated from the monogamous world, we started craving a community of like minded individuals with whom we could develop friendships and share our polyamorous experiences without fear of judgment or attempts to convince us that monogamy is better. We essentially were coveting an entirely different culture from the one in which we live.
After nearly three years of quietly living our polyamorous life, we both decided to start actively seeking a culture of people who openly engage in ethical non-monogamy. Living in a small, rural, and somewhat conservative town, we have only been able to find such…
